Week 1: Draft Recap/Opening Day

Shall we start with a brief recap of the weekend? Let’s.

How much money did Disney’s* Marvel’s Avengers: Age of Ultron make last weekend? My prediction for the weekend was that it would make ALL of the money. So, did it end up being ALL of the money? Turns out, not quite. A lot of it. Like MOST of the money. Like 9/10 of the money. Just not ALL of it.

*by the way my phone autocorrects “disneys” to “diabetes,” I just think that’s funny

Age of Ultron made the GDP of a small country last weekend, taking in $188 million. It didn’t break the record for an opening weekend, held by the original Avengers (there’s a point in this recap that I’m probably just going to switch to Avengers 1 and 2, because this is annoying and there’s only so many ways to differentiate between the two). It did come in second for the the all time highest debut, however, edging out Iron Man 3 ($174 million) by more than $10 million.

Avengers 2 was on pace to outperform Avengers 1 (see), as it took in a higher Friday opening gross ($84 million) than the original Avengers ($80 million). In fact, it was the second highest opening night ever, behind Harry Potter: Seven: Part 2. So what happened on Saturday that knocked it off its historic pace? Well, many critics…? reporters…? lets call them professionals, are blaming the “Greatest Day in Sports” for the downtick in box office sales. First thing’s first, this was a great day in sports, but a day that featured some second round playoff hockey, a first round playoff basketball game (yes, a game 7, but first round all the same), a horse race and a boxing match is not the “Greatest Day in Sports” in 2015. 1965? Sure. Not in 2015. There are Sundays in October that have better sports than that day. There was Johnny Weir on Saturday though (His hat had a Mint Julep in it! Bow down!). So, I mean, that made it kinda great. And Gronk. Gronk makes everything great**. That all said, the Mayweather-Pacquiao slughugfest looks like it broke a record for Pay Per View buys with over 4 million (shattering the previous record of 2.48 million), which means it probably did take some eyes away from Age of Ultron. But Avengers 2 still ended up having the third biggest Saturday ever.

**Gronk is such a meathead, I love it. He was probably like, “Oh nice, chicks are coming! Time to flex.” Then realized they were reporters and was like “Oh, uh, no comment.”

85% of all the money that came into this weekend’s box office went to Avengers: Age of Ultron. That’s a record (beating out Spiderman 3 at 83%) but its also not saying much when the other movies rounding out the top 5 are Furious 7 in its 5th week, a movie where Blake Lively lives forever (which is ironic because her acting style reminds me of a dead person, ZING!), Paul Blart 2 (That’s right. They made a second one.), and an animated movie starring Rihanna in its 6th week. So, maybe they’re not bragging about that record so much. Who am I kidding? Of course they are.

 Also opening last weekend:

Welcome to Me (Liz)

Before seeing the trailer for this movie, I was going to say, perhaps Kristen Wiig doesn’t have a good agent. She’s in all these tiny movies that aren’t very good. I mean, she did Bridesmaids dammit! She should be in bigger stuff! But then you could say, maybe she just does the movies she wants to do. Which definitely means she doesn’t have a good agent. But then I watched the trailer, and it looks really good. And it is, getting a 74% RT score. But unfortunately, “good” doesn’t translate into money. At all. It made $38,000 last weekend. If you’d like to see this movie, you’re in luck, it’s playing at the Angelika, annnnnd that’s it. Probably not gonna make a ton this summer.

Far From the Madding Crowd (Danielle)

Classic story. Girl’s uncle dies and leaves her a fortune. Farmhand gives girl some lip, so she jumps in the sheepriver and gives the farmhand the old sassy eye to top it off. Girl then meets the dude from Masters of Sex and is tempted by his house. Girl then meets random redcoat with a curly mustache in the woods and is tempted by his… passion. Girl then probably ends up with farmhand but only after a lot of will they/won’t they shit. Tale as old as time, man.

It made $222,000 across 99 theaters. Great, let’s just keep giving Danielle more and more money. It’s also really good, with a certified fresh RT score of 82%, which means it’s gonna play forever. I bet my mom is just clamoring for this one to show up in my hometown. Dammit Danielle!

The 2015 Sumofale Draft

Now that we got the weekend’s releases out of the way, let’s break down Sunday’s draft with some preseason power rankings:

8. Andy’s Team

Team Strategy: Ask my wife.

Best Pick: Tomorrowland (10). This feels more Pirates of the Carribean 1 than Pirates of the Carribean 3. It seems to have a unique plot, is geared towards kids but their parents would like it, and you can never go wrong with the Clooney.

Worst Pick: Before I Wake (25). Someone doesn’t read the blog. This blog. The blog you’re reading. Because if they had read the blog, the blog you’re currently reading, then they would’ve read that I specifically mentioned this movie in the Lovelace Wire section of the pre-draft post, mentioning that this movie has been pushed back. Instead, they spent their third round pick on a movie that is ineligible. Dummy.

7. Liz’s Team

Team Strategy: What movies would I like to see?

Best Pick: Aloha (28). I just think this is a sneaky, high value pick. I’m not quite sure what other movies I would have picked this one over, but at the same time, this movie is sure to outperform many of movies that were picked before it. Have you seen that cast? There’s no way this one bombs, at the very least.

Worst Pick: Hot Pursuit (21). This movie is going to BLOW. Doesn’t matter if you picked it last. Turd Sandwich.

6. Jenny’s Team

Team Strategy: I don’t know any of these movies / Zero fucks given.

Best Pick: Minions (2). While Jenny was deciding, I translated the mumbles and grumbles in the room to: “Aw, Jenny’s too stupid to take Minions. She don’t know what she doing. That shit’s gonna make a billion dollars and she’ll take something else stupid.” Then she totally made the right choice. And that shit is going to make a billion dollars.

Worst Pick: Straight Outta Compton (18). It’s not that the movie is going to be bad. It looks like it could be good. But like “art house” good, not “$80 million opening weekend” good. It was too early to make this pick. This was also the point Jenny’s team went off the rails and she started selecting all the hip-hop-centric movies she could.

5. Danny’s Team

Team Strategy: Dudes and dogs.

Best Pick: South Paw (25). This was another good value one that was just hanging around as the rounds got later and later. The pickins got real slim, real quick after this pick, so it was good to get it where he did.

Worst Pick: San Andreas (9). Look. I love me some The Rock. That’s my man. Since like 10th grade, I was smellin’ what The Rock was cookin’. I did a book report on The Rock’s “auto”biography in high school.*** But this pick was way too early. There’s a very good chance this movie sucks, and there were still some very heavy hitters left on the board. 

***God bless my Junior year American Literature teacher. He totally let me exploit his “Do a report on a book by an American author” assignment. Although, maybe this is why I’m dumb.

4. Sean’s Team

Team Strategy: Double middle fingers to everyone.

Best Pick: Ant-Man (6). Marvel movies are the new animated movies. Not that animated movies are going to stop being animated movies. Maybe Marvel movies are the new “action” movie and animated movies are still the new animated movies? Whatever. Tons o’ bucks.

Worst Pick: Terminator Genisys (11). You’re too attached to this movie, Sean. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about it. Maybe it’s that thing you have for Robert Patrick. The last one only made $48 million. I’m just trying to warn you, the last time I got too invested in a movie, it turned out to be Battleship.

3. Rhys’ Team

Team Strategy: Diversify, and then totally overthink it. / Try not to have Tanya steal all your picks.

Best Pick: Inside out (3). You can never go wrong with Pixar. And considering 3 other people tried to draft it throughout the night, I think I did okay.

Worst Pick: The Gallows (19). Why did I pick this movie so high? It would’ve been there on the return in the 4th round. I totally outthought myself. I tried to go for the counter-programming horror against Minions, but this was stupid. This movie is gonna suck, I can just feel it. There were three other perfectly good horror movies on the table too, dammit!

2. Tanya’s Team

Team Strategy: Sabermetrics and advanced analytics.

Best Pick: Ted 2 (13). The last one was one of the highest grossing R-rated comedies ever. Should’ve gone first round.

Worst Pick: Vacation (29). Not only is this movie is a terrible idea in the first place and probably will suck, but then I’m not even sure if they’re done with production. This just has disaster written all over it.

1. Danielle’s Team

Team Strategy: Crowd Sourcing

Best Pick: Avengers: Age of Ultron (1). Just so much money

Worst Pick: The Outskirts (33). Not that it matters. Avengers will make so much money Danielle can afford to take a swing and miss on one or two movies.

Coming Attractions coming later today!



One thought on “Week 1: Draft Recap/Opening Day

  1. For the record, I think Terminator Genisys is going to BLOW and I don’t want to see it. I wanted Mad Max. It was the closest thing left.

    I bet ALOHA bombs hard, just like Elizabethtown and We Bought a Zoo and everything Cameron Crowe has done since years started having 2s in front

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