Sumofale Week 6

Hey guys, Spy won the weekend! High fives all around.

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Spy won the weekend with $30 million. It was apparently touch and go for a while as Insidious: Chapter 3 was slightly ahead on Friday night $10.4 to $10.3 million. Spy, however, was able to pull ahead with $11 million on Saturday and $7 million on Sunday to Insidious‘s $7 and $4 million, respectively.

Insidious: Chapter 3 ended the weekend in third place with $22.6 million. That strong Friday start was not enough to beat both Spy and San Andreas, which managed to pull in another $25 million this weekend. This brings The Rock’s total past $100 million. Entourage managed to only open in 4th place with a lowly $10 million. The boys aren’t back. The boys are crap.

The big news of the weekend was not that Spy won the weekend, because we all knew it would. The main story is that this weekend is a prime example of how poorly this summer is doing. This weekend was down 4% from last weekend, which was down from 10% from the weekend before, which was down 16% from the weekend before that. And that weekend was Memorial Day weekend, a 3-day weekend. I’m bad at adding fractions or multiplying them or whatever, but that’s a bad stretch. This weekend’s gross is also almost 19% worse than last years total (the number one movie that weekend, by the way, was The Fault in Our Stars). In fact, every weekend this summer, with the exception of Pitch Perfect 2 and Avengers: Age of Ultron‘s opening weekends, has been significantly worse than last year’s corresponding weekend.*

*This weekend down 18%; last weekend down 17%; May 22-25 down 16%; May 13-15 up 3% (Pitch Perfect); May 8-10 down 4% 

This summer is on pace to be one of the worst ever. It’s only 6 weeks into the season, but so far movies this summer are only averaging $15.6 million. To put that in perspective, from 2004 to 2014 the average was $22 million per movie. This could all change in the coming weeks with the opening of Jurassic World and others. More on that later.

Other notes:

  • Mad Max and Pitch Perfect both were retired this weekend, making $7 million each. Both managed to break the $100 million mark, Mad Max with $130 and Pitch Perfect with $160 million.
  • Tomorrowland also brought in $7 million this weekend. This brings its 3 week total to $76 milion. This means Tomorrowland has a chance at $100 million but it doesn’t look good.
  • Aloha means neither hello or goodbye. It means plain awful. The movie fell 66% to make a putrid $3 million in only its second weekend.
  • Love & Mercy did well this weekend, grabbing $2.1 million in only 480 theaters. That’s a $4400 per theater average which was better than Entourage’s $3300 made in each of its 3100 theaters.

Coming Attractions

Jurassic World (Tanya)

Ugggggggghhh. I hate this movie. I fundamentally hate this movie. My insides hurt when I watch this trailer. My heart breaks. My soul…. gets sold to Milhouse. The plot of this movie looks so fucking dumb. Genetically modified super-dinosaur?!? Come the fuck on. The irony here is fantastic. The makers of this movie thought “You know what, the T-Rex was too boring, what if we put Godzilla in the park.” They then wrote a movie where the owners of the park say “You know what, the T-Rex is too boring, what if we create a whole new dinosaur and put it in the park.” Also, say for a second I’m in on making a dinosaur bigger than a T-Rex with huge non-vestigial claws that it can use to pick people up and tear them in half, why the fuck would you then give it the dolphin brain so it can out think all the humans in the park and apparently communicate with other dinosaurs outside of its breed? Since you’re just making this dinosaur up from scratch, wouldn’t you just make the super murder machine dumb as fuck? Then you can just hold up a mirror, it’ll get confused by its reflection and then you shoot it.

Also, I’m sorry, dinosaur wrangler? Shyeah. Right. If you jumped in a pit with 3 velociraptors and just looked them in the eye and was all “Talk to the hand,” one would stop and cock his head to the side, bite your hand off, while the others sliced your stomach open and ate your entrails. Look, if I was in the dog park and I dropped a piece of pizza, but then held my hand out and told them all to stay, there’s like a 5% chance I could get them all to stop. And those are dogs that live in apartments with humans, not prehistoric killing machines.

And of course there’s two kids alone running from the dinosaurs. Of course there is! You couldn’t make this movie without that bullshit trope. There was probably some studio exec giving notes like “have you tried having kids running away from the dinosaurs? That will really heighten the stakes. My daddy got me this job.”

But what I hate most about this movie, is that a fairly large part of me wants to see this movie. I mean, it’s fucking dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are cool. I’ve loved dinosaurs since I was like, I don’t know, really young. Its also got Chris Pratt. I love that dude. He’s super funny and looks like he’d be a genuine fun person to hang out with. Although, I think he’s probably under used in this movie and not allowed to smile.  Also, Jake Johnson is in this movie (no not Mr. Bubbly Toes, Nick from New Girl) and he’s great too, though if he doesn’t say “Hold on to your butts” I’m going to be severely disappointed. But the thing that put me over the edge is D’Onofrio. Have you seen him in Daredevil? That dude is straight 100 emojis. I would watch him read the phone book.

All of my hate is apparently for naught, because this movie is going to be an unstoppable force, much like the dumb-ass dinosaur they just invented. First off, the reviews for Jurassic World are pretty good. It has a rating of 71% fresh. Every review I seem to read is basically, “Even though this movie is really fucking dumb, I enjoyed myself.” Secondly, estimates are north of $100 million, even as high as $125 million. As much as it pains me to say it, that sounds about right. I, personally, don’t think it’ll quite reach that high, because I hate this movie. But also, as I mentioned earlier, this is one of the worst summers ever. Most of the big guns so far this summer have come in below estimates, even Avengers. Oh and if you’re the type of person who would say, “Oh yeah, well Jurassic World is set to outpace every summer blockbuster from last year!” I’d say, Congratulations! You’re beating the worst summer box office numbers since 1997.

Also, there’s some competition tonight as the U.S. Women’s National Team takes on…. I don’t know. Somebody? Fuck it, no one watches women’s soccer.

Me, Earl & the Dying Girl (Jenny)

Oh man! Mrs. Coach and Nick Offerman?! And was that Joey Fatone? Count me in. Well, except for the cancer part. Is this a thing now? Teenage cancer movies? I’m not signing up for a movie that I know will end in tragedy. That’s why I don’t see movies about dogs. There’s a 90% chance that dog dies in the end.

This movie is great, getting 84% on Rotten Tomatoes. It also cleaned up and Sundance receiving the Grand Jury Prize and the Audience Award. All that said its not gonna make any money. It’s only showing in 15 theaters. It’ll probably have a high per theater average but I can’t see it making a million this weekend.

Prediction

  1. Fine, Jurassic World – $124 million
  2. Spy – $18 million
  3. San Andreas – $14 million
  4. Insidious: Chapter 3 – $9 million

Have good weekend everyone!

http://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M

4 thoughts on “Sumofale Week 6

  1. I’m bad at adding fractions or multiplying them or whatever, but that’s a bad stretch.

    hard-hitting analytics here at sumofale

  2. Hey wait a minute, where is the SCOREBOARD? I want to see the exact numbers for of a super murder machine danielle’s team is, compared to my team of puggles fighting over a woodchip-covered pizza slice

  3. a wood chip covered pizza slice sounds good, if the wood chips are pieces of pepperoni…and the pizza is from papa johns. Sooo why is this season sucking so bad, don’t they know we have a very serious movie league going on? Lastly, I loved the original jurassic park and nothing will replace that, run Jeff Goldblum!!!

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