Oh my god its hot! Do they make pants made out of nothing? Cause I would wear those.

Here’s what’s coming out this weekend…

After Earth (Lovelace Larry)

The Purge and After Earth pulled the old switcheroo this week. After Earth moved up a week in order to distance itself from Man of Steel, and give itself another weekend to make money. Unfortunately, it’s not going to matter. I assume The Purge moved back a week to take the empty spot and have less competition (the only movies coming out that weekend are The Internship and Much Ado About Nothing).

This movie stinks!! Rotten Tomatoes has it at 13% (not so fresh, my Fresh Prince!), and MetaCritic scored it a 32 (with only 3 positive reviews).

Some thoughts about this movie:

  • So, over the next 1000 years everything on Earth will evolve to kill humans. But we won’t evolve whatsoever, except for our new weird accents?
  • Okay, this is M. Night Shamalan’s last chance right? I mean, he made one good movie (The Sixth Sense) and two other movies that were really just okay (Unbreakable and Signs). Since then, he has directed and/or produced six straight terrible movies (The Village, Lady in the Water, The Happening, Devil, The Last Airbender, and now this). If you were to use Rotten Tomatoes as a metric for how good a movie was (and I think its not totally unfair to do so), those six movies averaged 25%. That equals bad. The Last Airbender was 6%. That’s insanely awful. The story was already written! All he had to do was show everyone the TV show and say “Do that,” and he would’ve done better than 6%. The Happening had Mark Wahlberg talking to a tree (“Hey tree, say hello to your mother for me!”). I think the next time this guy comes into a studio with a script, they should take that script, roll it up, smack him on the nose with it and shout “NO!”1
  • Will Smith’s character in this movie is named Cypher Raige. Seriously.
  • I hate to say it, because I used to LOVE the guy, but the Smith-Pinkett Corporation is starting to get to me. Just for this movie alone: It stars Will Smith and his son, is produced by Will Smith, his wife and his brother-in-law, and the story is by Will Smith.2 More like Big HEAD Willie Style
  • This is getting a little ridiculous Sean. I can understand the “I’ll take the penguins movie with my last pick” or even the “300 is getting moved back, its a good thing I went off the board for my alternate pick” but this is starting to go beyond bad luck. Is this on purpose? Are you trying to shoot the moon or something?

Prediction: Opens to $23 million. $68 million total. Wins this year’s Tim Riggins Memorial Flop of the Year award.

1It should be mentioned, that Sony has noticeably left him out of their marketing for this movie. Could he actually be on his way out? Jump

2This is where I point out that he’s also a Scientologist and the movie could be seen as being an allegory for ScientologyJump

Now You See Me (Anna’s Team)

I thought this movie looks pretty cool. Instead of a “whodunit” it’s more of a “howtheydunit”. I enjoy movies like that. It’s why I’ll watch Ocean’s Eleven every single time its on. But not Ocean’s Twelve. That shit sucks. Apparently, so does this. Well, sucks is too strong of a word, but the transition was too good not to use. Still, this movie isn’t that good. Rotten Tomatoes has Now You See Me at 45% and MetaCritic scores it a 53.

Now, that doesn’t necessarily spell doom for Anna. Plenty of movies are bad and make tons of money. The Great Gatsby scored only 51% on Rotten Tomatoes and has made $120 million so far. I don’t think this goes on to make that much (it doesn’t have the Leo/Jay-Z star power) but I could see it coming close to $100 million.

Prediction: $37 million opening. $95 million total.

Before I leave this movie, I feel like we need to discuss how bad Jesse Eisenberg’s facial hair is in this film. That is literally the world’s worst goatee. It’s like a rat mustache that goes all the way around his mouth. Shouldn’t the director say something like “We need you to grow a goatee to make this character seem dark and myster-… oh god, what is that? Is that your goatee? Never mind! Let’s just keep your character clean shaven.”?

The East (Liz)

Finally, a good movie coming out this weekend. Rotten Tomatoes has it 70% fresh and MetaCritic scores it a 71. It does look pretty good. And Alexander Skarsgård takes off his shirt! (Cut to Anna going “Whaaaaatttt!!!!”)

Unfortunately, this movie belongs to Liz so she’ll just be padding her lead. But she’ll be doing it ever so slowly. The East is only opening in 4 theaters this weekend. I have no idea how it will do because of that. I think it could do well because it has less of an art-housey feel to it for an independent film. Then again, its not phenomenal the way other break-out hits are (Moonrise Kingdom was 94% fresh). So, what I’m saying is: I have no idea. Let’s take a guess…

Prediction: $85k opening. $30 million total.

That’s what coming out for us this weekend. I’m sweating all over the laptop so…



One thought on “Coming Attractions – May 31

  1. Pretty soon my score gets an M after it

    (foul language)

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