Coming Attractions – June 1st

Sumofale! Here’s an updated version of the scoreboard as we say “Goodbye and good riddance” to May, and “Whatup dog” to June:

SCOREBOARD

  • Pak Attack – $527,173,955 (1 movie)
  • Liz – $90,443,814 (2 movies)
  • Andy PoopyPants – $75,650,544 (2 movies)
  • Riggins Wrecks – $48,614,545 (2 movies)
  • The Boss Possum – $44,472,068 (1 movie)
  • Anna – $29,561,013 (2 movies)
  • Lucky Number Slevin – $0 (0 movies)

Here’s what we can look forward to this weekend…

Snow White and the Huntsmen

Awwww shoooot!! Guess who just joined the party. T squared up in the house. Tanya Tamale/Tiggity T/the Tank Engine finally gets on the board this week.

Can we all agree that this movie looks good? I mean Kristen Stewart is a black hole of emotion. But its got Thor swinging an axe! And Charlize Theron turns into a murder of crows! And some kind of broken glass creature? By the way, can crows get any creepier? “You other birds can role in flocks, but we’re straight chilling as a MURDER.” Maybe its because they’re going to murder all the white people for this. (You might not want to read through the comments for this YouTube video. I didn’t bother, but, YouTube comments seem to be a haven for stupidity, racism, etc. I shudder to think about what a real racist clip from the 40s brings out.)

Metacritic (56) and Rotten Tomatoes (48%) don’t agree with me that its as hands down awesome as I think it looks, but 74% of RT audiences want to see this, though I’m a little dubious of this metric since I think you’re more likely to click on a movie that you REALLY want to see (or REALLY don’t), but still. Given that no movies fared spectacularly last weekend, Tanya Terrific could make a huge jump this weekend.

Piranha 3DD


I feel like it hurt my brain to watch that.

Piranha 3DD, starring David Hasselhoff, prehistoric killer fish and boobs. Not in that order. Seems like a dream team if you ask me. The forecast, however, looks pretty cloudy. Reviews have been awful: Rotten Tomatoes is at 19% and Metacritic is at 42. It’s only being released in 75 theaters and as a kicker they’re releasing it on Video On Demand and Facebook (what?) at the same exact time. I don’t know how much that kills box office take (and I’m not sure if they take that into consideration, though I doubt it), but it can’t be good for getting people out to the theaters. Get ready to taste some flop, Danielle.

High School

This movie screams indie flick: depressed high school kids, people saying “Micheal Chiklas? I haven’t seen him in forever!”, or “Oh, I love Colin Hanks!”, Adrian Brody as a drug dealer, and I’m pretty sure black eyes are on the checklist too. Reviews are not strong. Metacritic scored it a 31 and Rotten Tomatoes has it at 24%. It’s also a very limited release. Like, “I can’t find how many theaters” limited. On the other hand, it’ll probably do better than stupid God Bless America.

Apartment 143

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Scary! Um, Ghost Rapist? Doesn’t that go against the whole Ghost Rule Book. I thought ghosts were trapped on earth until they found retribution for being wronged during their life, or something. At least, that’s what I was taught. I was under the impression that rapists go to hell. It’s pretty cut and dry.

So far there are only 3 bad reviews up on Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic is pretending it doesn’t exist. As is Box Office Mojo. Not good signs, Tanya Tabletennis. Not good signs. But at least you’ll get a little bar on the Danielle’s Beating The Crap Out of Us Bar Graph®. So you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.

Oh and why didn’t anyone, especially me, select this movie…


I freaking loved You Got Served. I mean when Lil Saint got killed? That shit was so sad! Um, I mean… Here’s the full slate for this weekend:

June 1st

  • Snow White and the Huntsman (Tanya)
  • Piranha 3DD (Danielle)
  • Jack and Diane
  • High School (Anna)
  • For Greater Glory
  • Apartment 143 (Tanya)
  • 6 Month Rule
  • 30 Beats

What’s that? Battlefield America isn’t on this list, meaning it wasn’t on the big list of movies to pick? Oh, so that was my fault? Oh…. oops.

Anna and I are off to Alaska Friday night and won’t be back until Monday morning. This means there will be no recap after this weekend. You’re all going to have to hold off until I write a super-massive 2 weekend breakdown when we get back. But, if you’re dying to know how your team is doing, I’ve rigged the links on each person’s team page for any movies that are currently out or are coming out in the next 2 weeks. So, if on Monday Tanya Tootsie Pop wants to know how well Snow White and the Huntsman fared this weekend, she can just click on her team page underneath the header picture, click the link and she will be whisked off to boxofficemojo.com. She will not be able to click on Apartment 143 however, because I can’t find any information for it. There will be a Coming Attractions post for next week, however, so check back around noon next Friday.

Everyone have an awesome week!

Sumofale.

Coming Attractions – June 8th

What up from Alaska! I didn’t actually write this on the boat. I’m too busy looking at stuff like this, and this but thankfully not this. I wrote this the Friday before I left and then told the internet to publish it for the following Friday. The marvels of modern technology! Since I wrote this a week ago, it might not be up to date on how well critics are receiving this week’s movies, but YouTube trailers are timeless and my lame jokes are evergreen. On that note, here’s what’s coming out this week…

Prometheus


This shit looks pretty scary. The might be a prequel/might not be a prequel to Alien, comes out this weekend. There’s certainly been a lot of buzz about this movie. People are making a HUGE deal about Ridley Scott directing another Syfy movie (that’s how its actually spelled, see), which makes sense since Blade Runner and Alien are considered two of the greatest movies of the genre. The guy’s a great director in general: Alien, Blade Runner, Thelma and Louise, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Matchstick Men, all good stuff. But, have you seen what the guy’s put out recently? Not so hot: Robin Hood, Body of Lies, American Gangster, A Good Year, Kingdom of Heaven. That’s 4 stinkers in 5 chances. And A Good Year is so bad it cancels out the fact that American Gangster was good. 5 stinkers! (What’s up with the obsession with Russell Crowe? It’s almost Tim Burton + Johnny Depp-esque)

Early reviews are from good (Rotten Tomatoes had it at 85%, having only 13 reviews) to okay (Metacritic scored it a 63, with only 5 reviews). I think the people who want to see this movie are going to go see it regardless, and judging by the aforementioned buzz, that could be a lot. Will it pay off as the first overall pick? I don’t know, especially since its rated R, and going up against…

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted


Kids love the cartoons. So do I. I just watched the first episode of The Legend of Korra and am this close (I just removed my fingers from the keyboard and held them about an inch and a half apart) to starting another WordPress blog about it. Its awesome. Its like an old friend is back. And Naga looks just like Ollie! Anyway, Madagascar. Early reviews are good: Rotten Tomatoes has it at 80% though its only 5 reviews. Metacritic has nothing yet. The earlier movies are in the mid-50 to 60 range for both Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic. Both movies made around $180-$190 million. So it looks like Andy PoopyPants can expect somewhere in the range, but possibly a bit better if the reviews hold up and it ends up being better than the first two.

Safety Not Guaranteed


Reviews are great! It’s got 100% on Rotten Tomatoes after 12 reviews. That will obviously go down by the time you read this, but it will still stay high and in case you didn’t know, that’s good. Metacritic doesn’t have enough reviews at the time of this writing, so let’s pretend I said something informative and witty here. It’s only opening in 9 theaters however. Andy’s cornering the market on small movies that are really really good, but don’t make much money. I’m not quite sure if that’s how you win. (two things to note: (1) the game is only 1/3 finished and we really have no idea how it’ll turn out, or what strategy is best and (2) that said, it’s clear that my team is no good and I will come in last place. So Andy if you were slighted by that last comment, I’m sorry. I’m bitter.)

If this post ended abruptly its because I had to write two of these in the amount of time I usually write one, so…Sumofale! See y’all soon!

SuMoFaLe – Week 5 & 6 (But mostly 6)

HEY!!! We’re back! (Man there were so many ways I could’ve gone with that one. For example, Terminator. Or how about some Gloria Gaynor? Maybe a little Slim Shady? Did you forget about the awesome children’s book with Dinosaurs? Cause I didn’t! Oh my god and Poltergeist! By the way, that trailer is awesome! Maybe if Apartment 143 had that crazy old lady in it, it woulda made some bucks.)

Alaska was awesome. We saw Harbor Seals, a Bear with 2 little cubs, Mountain Goats, Sea Otters, River Otters, mad Sea Lions and like a million Bald Eagles. Oh, and Whales! Lots of Whales. It was pretty amazing. No moose though. Moose are elusive. Still, it was an amazing trip. We’ll have to show you the 300 or so pictures we took.

June 1st – Don’t Sleep on Tanya

Now I see why she got picked for the role! She’s super good at playing dead.

So what happened while we were gone? Well Snow White and the Huntsman had a great opening weekend, making $56.2 million. That’s the 4th highest grossing debut this year behind The Lorax, The Hunger Games, and that movie that Danielle has. It’s also more than what Battleship has been able to make in 17 days leading up to that weekend. (Sigh.) Also, it’s almost more than what the other Snow White movie, the awful looking Mirror Mirror ($62.9 million), made total. Nice going Tanya Tabasco.

The May 18th Triplets of Horribleville (Battleship, The Dictator, and What to Expect When You’re Expecting) continue to die a slow, violent death combining to make $14.2 million this weekend. Good thing we all spent second round picks on them.

Rounding up the weekend releases: Piranha 3DD turned to chum, making $182k. High School went up in smoke at $82k*. And Apartment 143 made… well, it only made $253. Yeah, that’s not much. Its only showing in 1 theater. One! I found actually this kind of incredible, so I tried to find that one theater. And I did! Wanna take a guess? You’re thinking New York right? Nope. Well, if not New York, then its definitely LA. Guess again. You could probably guess 100 times and not get it right. It’s playing at the Magic Lantern Theatre in Spokane, WA. Don’t worry Tanya, in 3 weeks it also opening at the O Cinema in Miami, Florida.

*I’m sorry about those, these results were so depressing that I had to use some terrible puns to lighten the mood.

June 8th – Second Headlines are Hard to Write

Don’t worry Michael, even though your movie didn’t win the weekend, you still have other “talents” to fall back on.

This weekend, there were two pretty big movies going up against one another: Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted vs. Prometheus. Both actually fared well. Madagascar ended up taking first place this weekend with a strong $60.3 million. Prometheus came in second with a still respectable $51.1 million. Dropping to third place this weekend, was SWATH, pulling in $23.1 million, down 59 percent from earlier in this post. MIB3 made a disappointing $13.9 million, down 50.5% from last week’s $28.1 million. Rounding out the top 5 is The Avengers. It only made $11.3 million. That’s pretty sad Danielle. Pretty sad. It does still have a chance of reaching $600 million, though it’s probably not going to beat out Avatar for the second grossingest movie ever.

The aforementioned shitty May 18th movies brought in around $2 million each, as they each got pulled from around 1000 theaters (Battleship a little more, WTEWYE a little less).

It was an interesting weekend on the independent movie front. The BEMH brought in another $3.3 million, bringing its total to $31 million. Not bad, as the movie is starting to decline (down 27% from last week) but at nowhere near the rates of every other movie out right now (most are around -50%), and is still being added to theaters. We’re going to have to start calling you Dame Anna Davitt. Moonrise Kingdom made $1.6 million as it expanded into 80 theaters. Looking like it will follow The BEHM formula of slowly adding theaters and slowing bringing in a couple million every week. You can be a Dame too Andy.

So what does this all add up to?

SCOREBOARD

  1. Pak Attack – $572,615,837 (2 movies)
  2. Andy PoopyPants – $200,046,595 (4 movies)
  3. Liz – $149,596,439 (3 movies)
  4. Lucky Number Slevin – $98,537,858 (2 movies)
  5. Riggins Wrecks – $59,922,553 (2 movies)
  6. The Boss Possum – $55,281,103 (1 movie)
  7. Anna – $48,116,515 (3 movies)

We have 2 teams, Andy PoopyPants and Liz, crossing the $100 million mark with Andy jumping all the way up to $200 million, and Tanya Twinkletoes knocking on the door at $98 million. The Bossum and I have only a $4 million difference for yet another week, as Battleship and The Dictator continue to be our only key (and crappy) movies. There’s likely going to be a big difference between the two of us in a couple weeks when Brave comes out, however. And though Anna’s bringing up the rear, she’s not too far off the mark. Most importantly, it means everyone is finally on the board and our Danielle’s Beating The Crap Out of Us Bar Graph® is finally interesting to look at:

Look at that Tanya, you have a bar!!

Peabody’s Improbable History:

  • I feel like I say this every time in this section, but this was a big weekend for sequels. More specifically, the second movie of a soon-to-become franchise. Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn, Rambo: First Blood Part II (which made $50 million more than both First Blood and Rambo III combined!), Beverly Hill Cop II, Crocodile Dundee II, Another 48 Hours, and of course, 2 Fast 2 Furious were all the #1 movie in America during this weekend.
  • This weekend features a murderers row of mid-90s action movies starting in 1993 with Cliffhanger, then Speed (1994), The Rock (1996), and Con Air (1997). If you’re wondering what the top movie was in 1996, it was Congo. I don’t think I’d classify that as an action movie. More like a signing monkey movie. Man, that movie sucked. I wish I didn’t go see it in theaters.

I originally wrote “It’s nice to be back” here, but then I thought about how awesome it was living on a boat looking at some of the coolest, most beautiful stuff on the planet, then got sad. So let’s hang out! I haven’t seen any of you in like 3 weeks.

Until Friday…

Sumofale!

Coming Attractions – June 15th

Sumofale friends! We are once again without members of our core readership as Liz and Sean are in Italy, the land of wine and not really caring all that much. Sounds like the perfect place for a summer vacation. In case you two happen to come across some internets (maybe you paid a couple Euros at an internet cafe, or as the case may soon be, Lire. Zing!): Buon Compleanno!… Bambino!… Uh… Pizza, Fettuccini!… Gracie!…

That’s all I got. Here’s what’s coming out this weekend…

That’s My Boy

The odds are pretty good that this going to be a piece of crap. Based on his latest crop of movies, it looks like we’re looking at around a $35 million opening and a $110 million gross. [According to Box Office Mojo, the low end of the spectrum, your Jack and Jills or your Funny Peoples, is around $25 million ($25 million and $22.7 million, respectively), where the high end of the spectrum, your Grown Upses, is at $40.5 million. The low end for total gross is $51.8 million (Funny People) and the high end is $162 million (Grown Ups). How about them MoviemetricsTM?] Since this movie is not aimed towards families, I doubt it’ll reach the heights of Grown Ups and will probably retreat towards the mean.

However, maybe all those guys who grew up watching Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison and now that they are in their mid-20s and *cough* 30s *cough* will want to see an R-rated movie from Adam Sandler. More “Price is wrong, bitch!” less Bedtime Stories. Or they could be all-out on Sandler after he made the worst movie ever. I can’t tell if the Red Band trailer is funny, or reeeaaalllyy bad. I am a sucker for guys with Boston accents saying fuck, though.

The verdict? Piece of crap. Rotten Tomatoes has only 24% of critics liking it. Metacritic gives it a 20 out of 100. It is not good. Again, though, maybe that doesn’t matter. Billy Madison got a 45% from Rotten Tomatoes and I watched that like 7 times in a row one weekend when Anna was in China.

Rock of Ages

So Danielle’s putting all her eggs in one basket. Well, no because she’s got The Avengers. So it’s more like only taking a few eggs and caring them around, not really caring if they break. Okay, wait, start over.

Danielle really thinks this movie will do awesome. I heard her talking this movie up during the draft, nevermind during the now infamous Brunch Beerhall throwdown. She thinks people love Broadway. Tom Cruise has his shirt off the whole time and acts like a loony. People will like that too. She’s like, “Chicago made $170 million.” I then say “Careful fictional Danielle, it never had a weekend gross higher than $14 million, and it only made that much because it was out for 37 weeks.” (Wow, by the way) “What about Momma Mia?” she responds, but not really because she’s not actually here next to me. I say “$144 million. Good but not great. Only $27 million its opening weekend (though, it came out the same weekend as the Dark Knight, so I think we just throw out an chance of analysis).” “Hairspray!” She says defiantly. “Look Danielle, you’re not even real, you’re just some bit that I’m using to let everyone know what the box office is like for musicals. No need to get snippy.”

Anyway. Eggs. Basket. Careful, Danielle. I know what that’s like. I know the view from Mt. Avengers is pretty awesome, but I’m not convinced this movie is good.* Reviews are mixed. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 42%, and Metacritic gives it a 48 out of 100. So I honestly don’t know how well its going to do. It doesn’t have huge competition to go up against in terms of openings, but Madagascar 3 and Prometheus did pretty well last week and either of those (most likely Madagascar) could just as easily win out again this week.

*Note: I had a comment here that was a little stronger than “maybe its not good” (read:”it sucks”) but considering Anna was bouncing up and down while we were watching the trailer last night, I had to update my stance on it a bit.

Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap

Its like Ice-T went out and made a movie just for me. It looks pretty awesome. Critically its doing very well. 100% of the critics on Rotten Tomatoes like it, but its still has it listed as “no consensus yet,” since its only 8 reviews, but you get the “its good” gist. Metacritic has it at 62, which is good, or “generally favorable” as they call it. Again, its a small sample size which means if one person doesn’t like it, it will bring the score down considerably. Its playing in 100 or so theaters, so it’ll probably make more than $253*. But for as good as it may be, an independent documentary about hip hop with a limited release does not strike me as a cash cow.

*I’m sorry. I had too.

Lastly, Anna and I went to see Snow White and the Huntsman. It was pretty good. Not great, but we both had fun. Anna, also, wants to go see EVERY movie we saw a trailer for (including Rock of Ages. Also, we decided we need to have a get together to discuss, rehash, talk smack, etc. Bloody Marys should also be included. So, lets try to figure out a weekend after Liz and Sean get back, and I guess it will need to be in the afternoon since Andy is pre-lawyering in the mornings. Done.

Okay kids, we’re off to go pick up Ollie. Oh man I’ve missed him so much!!!

Sumofale!

SuMoFale – Week 7

Sorry for the delay guys! Here’s how last weekend shook out…

Kids let Dad pick movie for Father’s Day, Dad picks Golf

I know. Those Rock of Ages results are pretty scary, huh?

Wow, no one went to the movies this weekend. The top 5 movies of the weekend didn’t even add up to $100 million. It was an especially bad weekend for the 3 new openings, but more on that in a second. Madagascar 3: This Time We’re in Europe won the weekend once again, coming in at $34.1 million, down 43% from last weekend, which actually isn’t that bad. Madagascar 2: We Made That Shit Again dropped 45% between its first and second weekends and still managed to pull in $180 million. To put it in perspective, here are some other of this summer’s movies and how much they dropped off between week 1 and 2: SWatH: 59%, MIB3: 49%, Chernobyl Diaries: 61%, Battleship: 57%, The Dictator: 47%. So, 43% is actually a pretty good retention rate and means the movie should maintain good numbers for a while. (The Avengers dropped 50% between week 1 and 2, but its opening weekend was so gigantic that any data is going to be incredibly skewed.)

In comparison, this weekend’s number 2 movie, Prometheus, dropped 59% to $20.7 million. That is a significant decline. On a semi-positive note, the movie’s 10 day total, $89.4 million, now makes it the highest grossing movie in the Alien franchise. Although, Box Office Mojo explains to me that if you take into account for ticket price inflation, it isn’t. I do have a problem with said ticket price inflation calculator, however.

That brings us to this week’s openings. Rock of Ages opened in the number 3 spot to a not rocking $14.4 million. Not far behind was That’s My Boy, bringing in $13.5 million. This really bad. To put it in perspective, Snow White and the Huntsman has been out for 3 weeks and came in just behind That’s My Boy at $13.3 million. MIB3, out for 4 weeks, made $10 million. Granted, MIB3 and Snow White were first round picks and supposed to do well, but second (RoA) and third (Boy) round picks are not supposed to perform this badly. If Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy put up week 3 and 4 type numbers in week 1, it’s a pretty good bet they’re not going to make very much money at all. (Taking the average of the five movies mentioned before, if Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy drop 55% next week, they’ll make $7.9 and $7.4 million, respectively.) Even Battleship, 10th this week, brought in $14 million in its 3rd week. That reminds me, I’m kinda sick of Battleship being the go to universal flop of the summer. Yes, it is performing terribly at the box office, had a huge budget, and was supposed to be a blockbuster, but there are plenty of underperforming, crappy movies out there. Let’s spread the wealth… um, poverty?

Let’s briefly turn to this week’s other opening, Something from Nothing: The Art of Rap. It made $150k this weekend. On first glance you might think, “well that’s not good but it’s one of those late round independent movies, so it shouldn’t actually make that much, so maybe its not bad.” But if you look closer, like really squint, Art of Rap was showing in 157 theaters, which means the average take per theater was $958. Other successful independent movies like Safety Not Guaranteed and Moonrise Kingdom are making $6,446 and $12,571 per theater, respectively. Successful movies this weekend (Madagascar 3 and Prometheus) made between $6,000 and $8,000 per theater this weekend. Unsuccessful movies (What to Expect and The Dictator) made only $990 per theater. By that standard, The Art of Rap was unsuccessful. QED.

Speaking of Moonrise Kingdom and Safety Not Guaranteed, the two expanded into more theaters (82 for Moonrise, 178 total. 37 for Safety, 46 total). Moonrise Kingdom‘s massive expansion lead to massive (relatively) ticket sales. Worldwide Wes brought in $2.3 million. Safety Not Guaranteed‘s take was proportionally smaller, due to it being in less theaters, bringing in $296k. The movie who started this trend, The BEMH, finally started being pulled from theaters (down 114 to 1,184 total), and made $2.3 million.

SCOREBOARD

  1. Pak Attack – $601,602,544 (3 movies 1, 2, 5)
  2. Andy PoopyPants – $279,012,025 (4 movies 1, 2, 5, 7)
  3. Liz – $203,165,699 (3 movies 1, 2, 3)
  4. Lucky Number Slevin – $122,063,053 (2 movies 1, 7)
  5. The Boss Possum – $71,281,768 (3 movies 2, 4, 6)
  6. Riggins Wrecks – $62,259,481 (2 movies 2, 7)
  7. Anna – $52,993,453 (3 movies 3, 6, 7)

You’ll notice numbers next to the amount of movies you have out. They are what round you picked those movies. It should give you more of a complete picture on how you’re team is doing. So, for instance, Danielle and Anna each have 3 movies out, but Danielle has her 1st, 2nd and 5th round picks, where Anna only has her 3rd, 6th and 7th round picks out, so its a little more obvious why Anna’s team isn’t performing as strongly. Well, besides The Avengers being a monster.

Anna told asked me to do “hard hitting analysis” of the standings. So here’s my attempt:
Danielle’s still in first. La. Di. Da. Though, $600 million is pretty impressive. I’d say a billion is in play, but considering how epicly bad Rock of Ages did, I don’t think its going to happen with only her 4th, 6th and 7th rounders left.

Andy’s reaping the benefits of having his second pick clean up these past two weeks. It looks like he’s going to need a strong performance from his 3rd and 4th rounders to make a serious run at Danielle.

Liz is in a tough spot sitting in only third place after having her top 3 picks open.

On the other hand, Tanya Tailfeather is in a great spot with only one movie (basically) opening and is in striking distance of Liz and maybe even Andy. We’ll have to wait 2 more months to find out, however, because half her movies open in August.

Yet to join the $100 million club is The Bossum, me and Anna. It kinda makes sense, since none of us have had our number one movie open. That’ll change and Sean’s going to jump high up the rankings this week when his #1 pick, Brave, opens. Its gonna make major moo-la since its a kids movie. kids movie made by Pixar. kids movie made by Pixar, in 3D.

Anna has serious, serious potential to jump from worst to first with The Dark Knight Rises as her numero uno, plus the fact that her numero dos has yet to open as well.

I’m playing for 6th since The Amazing Spider-man is not on anybody’s “rush out and see it” lists.

Some other trends that have emerged:

  1. Everyone’s 7th round movie has made barely any money, or in the case of Tanya Trouble with Tribbles, none at all. It looks like if you found one that’ll reach $1 million, its a fantastic pick. Beasts of the Southern Wild is getting really good buzz, so we’ll see if the trend holds us or it actually makes some money.
  2. With the exception of Andy PoopyPants, everyone’s second round pick has been a colossal flop. Again, we’ll see how well that trend holds with the naked, dancing men movie and the not-Matt Damon, ass-kicking movie* still to come.

*Anna and I saw the trailer for this last week. It. Looks. Awesome.

That’s all folks. I hope this analysis has been hard hitting enough. I hope you were able to get through your Tuesday without me. Coming Attractions coming next Friday.

Sumofale!

Coming Attractions – June 22

Uggghhhhh so many mooovviiieesss this week. Waaaaaaahh. Alright, (cracking knuckles) lets bang this motherfucker out.

Seeking A Friend For The End of The World (The Boss Possum)


I’m gonna definitely shorten this one. That was mad typing! SAFFTEOTW. Nope, still too much. SFEW. Done.

What no Solsbury Hill? You’re right. Talking Heads was definitely the way to go there. This one looks pretty good. I laughed a couple times while watching the trailer. Steve Carell‘s doing Steve Carell things. Patton Oswald is funny. Turns out, critics think its a little bit better than not good. Rotten Tomatoes has only 52% of critics liking it. Metacritic gives it a score of 60. Not bad, but it probably won’t make much money because of…

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Tanya Thesaurus)


Sike! This is just some shitty movie about vampires. This was fun to look at, though I think its full of spoilers.

So I honestly don’t know what to make of this movie. I mean are they going to try and take it serious or are they going to play up the camp? There does look like some badass axe flinging, so that might be cool. It’s by the director of Wanted which was… Kinda good? Fun? I don’t really remember. All I remember was there was like a magic loom (that’s right, a 15th century machine that weaves thread into cloth was able to predict people’s fate) and Angelina Jolie was way too skinny.

Its not looking very good for Honest Abe. Metacritic gives it a score of 42 and Rotten Tomatoes has it at 36%. Those aren’t That’s My Boy numbers, but they’re not good. Its absolutely is going to lose to (don’t worry its for real this time)…

Brave (The Bossum)


Oh. It. Looks. Good.

Sorry I had to do it again. I kinda wished it was a running bit so there were more YouTube videos to link to. I think it looks awesome. However, I have a huge bias towards Pixar and pretty much love everything they make, except I refuse to see Cars on principle. Reviews are pretty good. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 70% and Metacritic is at 68. Pretty consistently pretty good. I don’t see why this isn’t gonna make a ton of money though: (1) Pixar had 9 straight $200 million movies. (Try and guess. Its kinda fun. Ready… Go! Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars, Ratatouille, Wall-E, Up, & Toy Story 3. Did you get em all? I missed Ratatouille.) (2) Its opening in 4000 theaters this weekend!! (3) Every Pixar movie this decade has opened to at least $60 million. (4) And again, kids movie in 3D. (5) Plus, there’s a heatwave going on, parents are gonna be bringing their kids to the free A/C. Well technically, its not free. I guess its more like “$20 per kid” A/C.

I’m calling it. This one’s winning the weekend. Lock it down.

To Rome With Love (Andy PoopyPants)


I was thinking this could ride the Oscar success of Midnight in Paris to some buckaroos, but its only opening in 5 theaters. So, no buckaroos for yous. Plus its not getting great reviews. Metacritic gives it a 55 and Rotten Tomatoes has only 51% of critics liking it.

One last order of business, way back in the beginning I said that I was going to use this space to practice my HTML for work (or at least that was the excuse I used). Well it turns out my work has asked me to help out building some websites and we’re building them with WordPress! That worked out nicely for me. So thanks for reading the blog, I’m glad (hope?) you enjoy it.

SuMoFaLe – Week 8

Sumofale! We’re half-way through the season! Which is weird, since the first day of summer was like 4 days ago. How bout we give out some awards for the first half of the season.

Top Performing Team: Pak Attack (Danielle)

Top Performing Movie: The Avengers

Most Comments: Tanya Talky Talky

Most “Hey nice post!” personal emails: Anna, but Danielle gets an honorable mention for doing so and not being married to me.

Funniest Comments: Sean. Did any of us doubt this?

Best Team Name: The Bossum. Andy PoopyPants is really, really fun to write and say, but the Bossum makes me laugh every time I think about it, even now

Most Random Viewing Foreign Country: Vietnam

On to this week…

Its a Brave New World (Not Really. Danielle’s still killing us all)

If yew cood change yurr feyt, wood yew?

Called it! Brave dominated. $66.3 million. Pretty Damn Good. It’s not record breaking, but its almost as good as Men In Black 3 did in a 3 day weekend and is better than Snow White and Madagascar 3 in their opening weekends. Its the 5th best Pixar opening ever, which means it should make well over $200 million, and $300 million is definitely a possibility with it being all 3D and all.

Madagascar 3 is still making money. Coming in 2nd place at almost $20 million this week ($19.7 million), bringing its 3 week total to $157 million. A very, very good 2nd round pick for Andy PoopyPants, as it may even out-earn his first round pick MIB3, which made $5.7 million and has $163 million total.

In third place this weekend was Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The movie made $16.3 million which sounds about right because its bad. Look for it to follow Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy into the toilet and make only around $8 million next week.

Prometheus came in fourth place this weekend with $9.9 million. Prometheus is starting to look at burial plots as it dropped from 2nd to 4th this week, declining 52.2% and getting pulled from 500 theaters. It’ll still probably pull in another $10-$20 million over the next month or so, but its blockbuster days are over.

Holding onto its spot from last week and rounding out the top five, is Snow White, bringing in $8 million adding to its 4 week total of $137 million.

Aforementioned toilet brushes, Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy, each made $7.6 million this weekend, which I also called. At least $20 of Rock of Ages‘s take belongs to Anna and Danielle. These poor girls. They keep seeing crappy movies over and over again.

Rounding out the top ten was SFEW with $3.8 million. I think this might not be good, but it does seem the kind of movie that people will see over the next few weeks, so it may make money as time goes on. The bad sign is that it’s already in 1000 theaters, so it doesn’t have the potential for growth like Moonrise Kingdom, The BEMH, etc. Speaking of room for growth, To Rome With Love made a measly $361k. The good news is that it was only playing in 5 theaters this weekend, which gives it a per theater average of $72k. That’s the second best per theater average this year, behind Moonrise Kingdom, which bodes well for the Rome as it will undoubtedly expand into many more theaters. I don’t see it doing as well as Moonrise ($11 million after 5 weeks) but it could certainly bring in $7 or $8 million.

SCOREBOARD

  1. Pak Attack – $627,220,575 (3 movies 1, 2, 5)
  2. Andy PoopyPants – $333,601,464 (5 movies 1, 2, 5, 6, 7)
  3. Prometheus Looks Too Scary – $224,003,404 (3 movies 1, 2, 3)
  4. The Boss Possum – $157,028,390 (5 movies 1, 2, 4, 5, 6)
  5. Lucky Number Slevin – $153,435,707 (3 movies 1, 4, 7)
  6. Riggins Wrecks – $63,301,777 (2 movies 2, 7)
  7. Anna – $56,408,429 (3 movies 3, 6, 7)

Its interesting that if Danielle hadn’t been given a $500 million head start, she’d not be faring very well. Her last two movies haven’t even combined for $30 million. Tough talk Danielle? Now if only we could come up with a way to make up that $500 million gap.

Andy PoopyPants is steadily climbing up the charts as Madagascar has been cleaning up these last 3 weeks. He does need to worry, however, that 5 of his movies have opened and he still only has a little more than half of Danielle’s total.

Liz pulled in a decent amount of money this week, but didn’t make any significant moves since she didn’t have anything open this week.

Sean flew up the rankings with a big weekend from his number 1 pick. He does need a couple big weekends in a row from Brave since he too has 5 movies out, and doesn’t have tons of chances to make up big ground on Danielle.

Tanya Tiananmen Square had a small opening which led to a small increase, but was jumped by the colossal take Sean had this weekend.

Me and Anna, sittin in a tree, W-A-I-T-I-N-G… for any movies, not just Batman and Spider-man, any movies to open. Anything!

House Keeping

(1) Tanya Tuesday added another two comments this week asking for some updated charts that show how people’s teams are doing just based on their opening weekends, or not including people’s first picks, or anything else that would make her look like she’s winning (I see you Tanya). So I did some excel shit, and put together some charts:

Chart 1 (page 1046 in the Appendix) shows Week 1 Earnings, which, since The Avengers destroyed every opening weekend record, of course Danielle is still in first place, by a lot.

Chart 2 shows an “Adjusted” Week 1 Earnings. Tanya suggested that there be some sort of bonus points for how well your later round movies fared. So, I multiplied the first week earnings by what round you selected that movie, so your first round pick earned what it earned, but your second round pick is multiplied by two, your third round pick by 3, and so on, where your last pick is multiplied by 7. This shows a little less of a canyon between Danielle and the rest of us, though I doubt the result was what Tanya was looking for.

I also did this nifty math for Total Box Office Earnings, just for kicks (that’s Chart 3).

Chart 1 – Week 1 Totals

Chart 2 – “Adjusted” Week 1 Totals

Chart 3 – “Adjusted” Total Box Office

Let me know what you think of these charts because I’m tired of analyzin’ for today.

(2) Oh! and on a related note , you’ll notice another page under the calendar links on the right hand side of this page. That’s a little list of ideas I had to try to make the game fairer and/or more fun for next time. That way, if other people have ideas and/or suggestions, you can put the comments there and/or they’ll all be consolidated into one and/or convenient and/or place.

(3) I will try to update the calendar, as well as everyone’s individual team pages since I don’t think I’ve been very good about that. Man, this was a serious undertaking. I don’t know if I was prepared for it. I need an intern or something.

Sumofale!

Coming Attractions – June 27th (Special Edition)

Beasts of the Southern Wild (Prometheus Looks Too Scary)

This movie is supposed to be awesome. RottenTomatoes scores it at 92% and Metacritic gives it a 94 out of 100. It won the Grand Jury Prize for drama, as well as cinematography honors at January’s Sundance Film Festival. Last month, it followed that up by winning the Un Certain Regard Prize and Golden Camera at the Cannes Film Festival. Not bad for a pick that Liz took on a whim because it “sounds like YA.”

The only down side is that its playing in only 4 theaters (2 in NYC, 2 in LA). Though, it looks like it should open in every major city by July 13th (unfortunately Newport is not on that list, we’ll have to do something else that weekend). You’ll have to wait to see some returns Liz. But the outlook is very good.

Sumofale!

Coming Attractions – June 29th

Man 4 movies again! Dammit! Oh well. Let’s get it on!

Magic Mike (Anna’s Team)

Oh here we go.

Anna’s been driving the bandwagon for this movie (with the help of New York Mag) since August of last year. Since then, Danielle and Liz have jumped on. The question is, are there any other ladies jumping on? Will they be dragging any men with them? Well, any straight men? The movie is actually doing really well critically. RottenTomatoes is at 82% and MetaCritic scored it a 71.* I think the combination of handsomeness hotness, buttcheeks and fun Ocean’s 11-type quips are a recipe for success.

I’ll leave you with an excerpt from Stephen Whitty’s review from the Newark Star-Ledger: “If you’re looking for a romance with 100 percent prime beefcake? Get your singles out and ready, ladies. ‘Magic Mike’ is in the house.

*MetaCritic’s scores have been well below RottenTomatoes’ this week, which is strange since they are usually pretty close to one another. Why so grumpy MetaCritic?

People Like Us* (Pak Attack)

It’s hard to express how this movie makes me feel. Luckily, Bill the Cat has taught me how: THBBBFFT! But, in case you need a visual. Lets put it all together with sound. Yeah, I don’t think this is gonna be very good. It actually reminds me of a movie that Anna and Danielle will go see just because cutie Chris Pine is in it. And critics agree with me. RottenTomatoes gives it a score of 56% and Metacritic gives it a 50. Snoooooze. And when you can get your sexy man fill from Magic Mike, is there really a reason to go? It probably makes like $10-15 million as a date movie, because its awkward to go on a first date with naked men dancing everywhere. At least its not as bad as…

*Isn’t it cool how I got Elizabeth Banks to personally introduce the trailer? I’m moving up in the world!

Madea’s Witness Protection (Pak Attack)

Ugh. Do we even have to discuss this? Let’s just say that the movie is so bad that RottenTomatoes and MetaCritic won’t even put out early reviews because the studio thinks the movie stinks. (If you remember, that’s what happened to Piranha 3DD, and that didn’t turn out well.) I should mention that Tyler Perry actually hasn’t done too well in the box office. He’s only averaging $50 million per movie, total. His best selling movie ($90.5 million) was a Madea movie but that was in 2009, and the last Madea movie made only $53 million. This looks horrible. Not only do I think no one will go see this, I really hope no one does.

Ted (Bossum) Warning Red Band* Trailer

*I apologize if you’re at work and the trailer hit you with a barrage of “fucks” but the part where Marky Mark lists off the 40 or so “white trash names” in his Boston accent is just too good and its not in the green band trailer.

I forgot this was actually coming out this week. If you remember, it moved up and took G.I. Joe’s spot. A potentially good weekend for The Boss Possum, with Ted opening and Brave clearly going to make a whole lot more money.

I think this looks funny. Its got potential. The reviews are actually fairly decent. RottenTomatoes has 65% of critics liking it. But more importantly, 97% of audiences want to see it. Again, I have no idea how this number works, so it means absolutely nothing. But it is impressive to look at. MetaCritic gives it a score of 58. I think its actually going to do pretty well. Back when I had my ear to the streets, you know, as a high school science teacher, the kids loved Family Guy. This seems like a movie teens and 20-somethings flock too. And who doesn’t love some Marky Mark?

Weekend Prediction
Brave wins again. Magic Mike takes second. Then Ted. Then, possibly Madagascar 3 here. Then who cares?

Before we go, let’s pour a little bit out for G.I. Joe…

Sumofale!

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