Sumofale Week 8

Posted on by rhysnice

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Man, I really wish I could take credit for that picture, but I can’t. Check out Kahn & Kittens for pictures of cats photoshopped into things*. For the Internet is dark and full of cats. That said, I’m pretty sure I’d rather see Purassic World.

*Liz, you will love this site. Half of the things that cats are photoshopped onto are, wait for it…. Benedict Cumberbatch

So Jurassic World made another $100 million this weekend, bringing its 2 week total to a zillion. Its weekend take of $106.6 million is the largest second week gross of all time. Jurassic World now has set records for opening weekend gross, where it also set a record for per theater average with $48k per theater, and second weekend gross, as well as biggest Saturday ($69M), Sunday ($57M), non-holiday Monday ($25M) and non-opening Tuesday ($24M). If it only falls 35% this upcoming weekend (which is a tall order even for this movie), it’ll also have the biggest third weekend of all time. It’s also become the fastest movie to $400 million (along with $100 million, $200 million and any other mark up to that point) and looks like it’s going to crush The Avengers previous record of 23 days for $500 million. It took The Avengers 14 days to reach $400 million, whereas it’s taken Jurassic World just 10. AND its become the fastest movie to join the 3 comma club internationally in just 13 days. Jurassic World now has 27 records, better than any other movie by far; #2 Avatar has 9. Many of those are arbitrary (like largest 2-day gross, 3-day gross, 4-day gross, etc, etc, etc), but it’s still very impressive.

The success of Jurassic World helped Universal Studios become the fastest studio to make $1 baby-B. Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey, Furious 7, Pitch Perfect 2 and now Jurassic World, Universal topped a billion bucks in just 165 days.

But Jurassic World isn’t the only movie setting records this weekend. That’s right! Inside Out set the record for biggest Non-#1 opening ever with $90 million. I like “Biggest #2 ever” better, but that’s because poop is hilarious. This makes Inside Out Pixar’s second biggest opening behind Toy Story 3.

The almost $200 million combined effort of this week’s top two movies helped make this weekend’s $247 million gross a 69% improvement over this weekend last year. In fact, this was the best 3rd weekend in June ever.

Rounding out the top 5, Spy made $11 million, bringing its total to $75 million. San Andreas brought in $8 million in its fourth and final weekend. It’s final total was $132 million. Dope opened in 5th to the tune of $6 million.

Insidious: Chapter 3 grabbed $4 million this weekend. Its 3 week total is now $45 million. It’s now bound to make $50 million by the time its retired next week.

Entourage continues to sink like a stone, making only $1.9 million. The boys have only made $29 million through 3 weeks.

Love & Mercy expanded into another 218 theaters (791 total) and brought in $1.7 million. It’s now made $7.2 million.

If Entourage is sinking like a stone, Aloha is sinking like a rock the size of Hawaii. This weekend it only managed $401k. This is its fourth and final weekend and it only managed $20 million total.

Scoreboard

  1. Tanya – $483 million (1 playing, 1 done, 5 left)
  2. Danielle – $422 million (2 playing, 1 done, 4 left)
  3. Danny – $294 million (2 playing, 2 done, 3 left)
  4. Liz – $214 million (4 done, 3 left)
  5. Rhys – $211 million (3 playing, 1 done, 3 left)
  6. Andy – $88 million (2 done, 2 playing, 3 left)
  7. Sean – $47 million (1 playing, 6 left)
  8. Jenny – $9 million (2 playing, 5 left)

So we’ve got us a two car race. Tanya has the biggest movie of all time, with two weeks left and five more movies to go, including Ted 2, Vacation and the Woody Alen movie.  However, even though Avengers: Age of Ultron is done for Danielle, but she’s still got Fantastic Four, and The Man From U.N.C.L.E, which looks like it could be awful or secretly good. Danny’s big movies (San Andreas, Mad Max and Entourage) are all pretty much done, which he rode all the way to third place. It feels like he made a good run at it, but with only 3 small-ish movies left, I don’t see him winning. Don’t take offense Danny, because I don’t see myself winning either. Stupid Jurassic World ruined my Inside Out pick. I have so much irrational hate for that movie. In like ten years that movie is going to come up in a conversation and feel myself getting all worked up and not know why.

In the bottom part of the standings, it’s still early, but thanks to Tomorrowland‘s epic fail, Andy is now playing for not-last place. It’ll all come down to how well Mission Impossible does for him. Always fun to root for Tom Cruise. Jenny looks like she’s down and out, but she’s still got Minions and Trainwreck left to come out. And finally, Sean’s team is pretty interesting. He has Ant-Man, Terminator whyisitnotspelledGenisis and the Tom John Green movie all yet to come out. All three of those movies have huge boom-or-bust potential. All of them could be terrible. Or all of them could be huge hits. Or all of them could be terrible and still be huge hits.

Coming Attractions

Ted 2 (Tanya)

Tanya owns this one too? Dammit!

So I couldn’t help but laugh at parts of the trailer (unsurprisingly, the red band trailer more so than the one above). There were some pretty lame jokes in there too. And then there are some of jokes that are… what’s the word I’m looking for… racist? Yeah, racist. The plot? That looks AWFUL. But really, you only need one reason to see this movie:

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That’s right. TFB, baby. Those balls are definitely not deflated. Just give him the Oscar right now. By the way, thanks to a huge Supreme Court decision, me and Tommy are now free to get married in any state we want.

Reviews are not very good for this movie. It only managed a 45% on Rotten Tomatoes. If you were thinking, “Well, critics hate on gross-out movies like this,” I’d agree with you, but the original Ted earned a 67%. So this doesn’t bode well. That said, the original made $54 million in its opening weekend and $218 overall. So even if this movie is 70% of the original Ted, that’s still a $40 million opening.

The problem is, I don’t see Jurassic World and Inside Out budging much. Each of those movies made $13 million on Tuesday and $9 million on Wednesday, whereas the third place movie, Spy, made only $1 million. I just can’t see Ted 2 winning the weekend, and since Jurassic World and Inside Out are so close at this point, it feels like they end up in the top two spots in some order, with Ted 2 opening in 3rd place. But that doesn’t make sense, does it?

Max (Danny)

I don’t have much to say about this movie. Like, when the fucking dog lays down next to the marine guy’s casket, I had to check out. And then the dog has PTSD? Nope, I’m out. I know what you’re trying to do Max, and it’s manipulative and not cool!

So this movie is apparently bad, earning a 42% on Rotten Tomatoes. How do you make a bad movie about a dog that was also a marine? Even if you make it the corniest bullshit in the world, you’d still think it’d get like 65%. I do think the plot line where the marine guy’s evil frenemy comes back and apparently he’s smuggling nuclear warheads into their podunk town is probably where the wheels fall off. But the dog can sniff it out! He hates that dude! Then they rip off E.T. Yeah, I’d guess where the movie takes a huge turn towards really dumb. And I bet the dog takes a bullet for the kid or some shit.

Prediction

  1. Jurassic World – $51 million
  2. Inside Out – $48 million
  3. Ted 2 – $37 million
  4. Spy – $8.7 million
  5. Max – $8.1 million
  6. San Andreas – $4.8 million
  7. Dope – $4.2 million

Have a good weekend everyone!

Sumofale Week 7

Posted on by rhysnice

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Wow. You know, when you’re wrong about something, sometimes you just have to suck it up, and admit that you’re wrong. Or, you can ignore the fact that you were wrong, stick to your guns, dig in, and throw out even more hate. Guess which way I want to go!

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I am shocked, SHOCKED by how well Jurassic World did this weekend. The only people I knew who wanted to see this movie were Andy and Tanya. That’s not saying much since Tanya owns it and Andy has notoriously bad taste in movies. Yeah Andy, you throw everyone off your scent by liking all those old-time classics, but I know that your favorite movie is Heavyweights, you think Ocean’s Twelve 12 is the best one of the three, and loved Jurassic Park III. Your movie opinions are invalid.

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I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Jurassic World had the most successful opening weekend ever. It set the record for opening weekend gross both domesticly and worldwide with $208 and $524 million, respectively. Let’s just take a second. This movie made a HALF BILLION DOLLARS this weekend.

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But I promised you shade throwing, and I’ve been in the bullpen warming up, so here goes: How did a movie with only warm to lukewarmly reviews do so well? Well for one, it cheated. 48% of movie-goers saw the movie in 3D, that’s like 3 or 4 extra bucks per ticket right there. The movie also set “high water mark” for IMAX and PLF (Premium Large Format screens. Did you know this was a thing?). So, basically, every ticket for this movie was 30-50% more expensive than it should’ve been. This whole competition is a farce!

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Jurassic World also had zero competition with no other major opening this weekend. The result was it pulled in over 70% of the total box office money this weekend. SIGH!

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Coming in second this weekend, not that it matters, was Spy, with a very much not-record-setting $15 million. It’s actually a pretty decent 46% drop and brings its 2 week total up to $56 million. $100 million feels a little too difficult to reach at this point, however.

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In third place in the box office, in its third week (nice little symmetry there), San Andreas grabbed another $10 million, bringing its total to $119 million. Chris Pratt > The Rock. It’s official.

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Insidious: Chapter 3 (👻) fell an incredible 68% (😧), pulling in only $7 million (🙅💸) in its second (✌) week. This brings its total to $37 million (💩).

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Entourage brought in $4 million in its second weekend, which makes its total up to $25 million. With Jurassic World ready for week 2, I doubt this makes $40 million.

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Love & Mercy brought in $1.6 million which is not too shabby considering its only 573 theaters. It’s now brought in more than $4 million in just two weeks. Good vibrations man.

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Me, Earl and the Dying Girl opened to a strong $13k per theater average. Not as good as the $48k per theater average Jurassic World had, but still pretty strong. The only problem is you have to multiply $13k by just 15 theaters. That’s $196k, for all you multiplication heads out there.

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In the piece of crap division:
  • The “I think that might be human shit on the street” bronze medal: Tomorrowland took in $3 million in its 4th and final week. It’ll be retired this weekend with a “meh” $83 million.
  • The “turd in the punch bowl” silver medal: Poltergeist made an awful $689k in its 4th weekend. It, too, will be retired this weekend, totaling only $46 million.
  • But the “upper-decker” gold medal goes to: Aloha which also didn’t even manage $1 million this weekend, but this is only its third weekend. Aloha has only made $19 million so far, and there’s no chance it even gets to $25 million. Congratulations, you truly are the biggest piece of shit of them all.

Scoreboard

  1. Danielle – $422 million (2 playing, 1 done, 4 left)
  2. Tanya – $324 million (2 playing, 5 left)
  3. Danny – $281 (3 playing, 1 done, 3 left)
  4. Liz – $213 million (2 playing, 2 done, 3 left)
  5. Andy – $87 million (1 playing, 2 done, 4 left)
  6. Rhys – $68 million (1 playing, 1 done, 4 left)
  7. Sean – $40 million (1 playing, 6 left)
  8. Jenny – $271k (1 playing, 6 left)

Tanya has gone from 5th to 2nd in one fell swoop and is less than $100 million behind Danielle. That’ll definitely change by the end of next weekend too. Well, I guess it’s nice to lose to someone else besides Danielle for a change.

Coming Attractions

Inside Out (Rhys)

Man this looks so good I couldn’t even wait until after I’d written my usual 2 paragraphs of almost funny crap to see its Rotten Tomato score. And it was confirmed, this movie is fantastic with a score of 99%! I knew it! You know how I could tell? I got a little dusty while watching the trailer. Tear don’t lie, man.

Predictions are that Inside Out could do well this weekend, but will still lose to Jurassic World. Even if Jurassic World falls 59% (which is what Avengers: Age of Ultron fell) it’ll still make $85 million. If there were nothing else playing, Inside Out would definitely make $100 million, but there are just not enough dinobucks to go around. Because of course everyone goes to see the dumb but decent movie about dinosaurs and not the heartfelt, intelligent, and completely original cartoon. However, they’re still saying could be one of the largest grossing openings of a movie which opens in second place. Did that make sense? The one of the best number 2 ever.

Everyone go see Inside Out! No need to see Jurassic World, you’re not missing anything. See the funny animated movie. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. It’s Pixar, so you’ll cry again. Then you’ll laugh while you’re crying. (It’s true! Amy Poehler said so.) Bring your kids! One at a time! Bring your fat friend who has to buy two tickets! Come on!!

Dope (Jenny)

This movie looks good enough, I guess. And it is, getting 88% on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s got the guy with the hair from Workaholics, and I love that dude. And Zoe Kravitz… is Lenny Kravitz daughter. Oh and hey look, its A$AP Rocky. I don’t know anyone else in this movie.

It’s funny, I saw the crazy patterns and high-top fades and thought this was a movie that takes place in the 80s. I was getting ready for a soundtrack right in my wheelhouse. Some Eric B & Rakim. Some Run-DMC. A little Lady’s Love Cool James. But nope. That’s how kids dress nowadays. I’m confused. Didn’t we all look at ourselves with the bright colors and crazy patterns and go, what the fuck were we wearing? And we’re bringing it back? I blame Kanye. Oh, hang on a second. I need to go yell at some kids to get off my lawn.

I don’t think I’m aloud to see this movie. Well not in public. There’s a lot of N-word jokes in here. I don’t think I can go to the Magic Johnson AMC on 125th and Frederick Douglass Blvd and laugh at N-word jokes, no matter how well written and racially neutral they are. I don’t think I can. Speaking of white people, I looked to see how my man, Willy the Waffle felt about this movie and it turns out he didn’t review it. I’m guessing he’s more nervous than I am. I mean that guy was on C-SPAN! Or there wasn’t enough money in the CW 50 budget to let him review more than one movie per week.

Prediction:

  1. Jurassic World – $85 million
  2. Inside Out – $76 million

Additional prediction: I will see these results and cry. Then I will see Inside Out and cry again.

Have a great weekend.