Bart

Here are 133 things we learned from the 2013 Sumofale season:

  1. It is pretty difficult to maintain a biweekly blog while starting a new job, moving to a new apartment, and going to class twice a week.
  2. Those things are even more difficult to accomplish when you start streaming Breaking Bad on Netflix.
  3. This summer, there was a movie called The Butler.
  4. This summer, there was a movie called The Butler that won three weekends.
  5. This summer, there was a movie called The Butler that starred Forest Whitaker, Oprah, John Cusack, Jane Fonda, Cuba Gooding Jr., Terrence Howard, Lenny Kravitz, Alan Rickman, Robin William, Minka Kelly and Mariah Carey.
  6. This summer, there was a movie called The Butler that has so far made $106.5 million.
  7. No one in our league took The Butler.
  8. I refuse to be held accountable for the fact that no one took The Butler because it may not have been on the initial movies list.
  9. On that note, Only God Forgives was the 99th most successful movie of the summer.
  10. You can all stick it.
  11. We Are The Millers only opened to $26 million, but through 6 weeks has made $131.6 million.
  12. Lovelace opened to $184,536 and made $354,784 in 4 weeks.
  13. It is no longer in theaters after 4 weeks.
  14. Lovelace opened at number 10 for movies on demand. So, there’s that.
  15. 2 Guns won its opening weekend with $27 million.
  16. It then fell 58% to $11 million the following weekend.
  17. 2 Guns ended at $73.6 million.
  18. Out of the top 10 highest grossing movies of the summer, only 2 were not sequels or adaptations (The Heat and The Conjuring)
  19. Tanya owned both of them.
  20. The Heat was the eighth highest grossing movie of the summer.
  21. Superhero movies were the most successful genre of the summer, averaging $279 million per movie.
  22. Movies that stared real-life fathers and sons and may or may not have been about Scientology were last, averaging $60 million.
  23. Animated movies were the second most successful, averaging $126 million per movie.
  24. Animated movies are a guaranteed $100 million.
  25. Unless you make a poor carbon copy of a movie that was a really good execution of an average idea, using an inferior production company for a movie that was originally meant for straight to video release.
  26. And have it star Dane Cook.
  27. Or unless you make a movie about a snail that races in the Indianapolis 500.
  28. Snails cannot race in a competition meant for cars.
  29. Drafting two animated movies in the first and second rounds is a really good idea.
  30. Drafting Star Trek second overall is not.
  31. The plot of The Smurfs 2 is as follows: The evil wizard Gargamel creates a couple of mischievous Smurf-like creatures called the Naughties that he hopes will let him harness the all-powerful, magical Smurf-essence. But when he discovers that only a real Smurf can give him what he wants, and only a secret spell that Smurfette knows can turn the Naughties into real Smurfs, Gargamel kidnaps Smurfette and brings her to Paris, where he has been winning the adoration of millions as the world’s greatest sorcerer. It’s up to Papa, Clumsy, Grouchy, and Vanity to return to our world, reunite with their human friends Patrick and Grace Winslow, and rescue her! Will Smurfette, who has always felt different from the other Smurfs, find a new connection with the Naughties Vexy and Hackus or will the Smurfs convince her that their love for her is True Blue?
  32. The Smurfs 2 was terrible.
  33. So was The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.
  34. The Mortal Instruments does not equal The Hunger Games.
  35. Neither does Percy Jackson.
  36. The first Percy Jackson only made $88 million.
  37. Turbo and R.I.P.D. opened to a combined $35 million.
  38. Ryan Reynolds sucks.
  39. The Top 10 worst movies of the summer included The Internship (35%), The Lone Ranger (30%), Kick-Ass 2 (29%), Planes (26%), The Hangover Part III (19%), Girl Most Likely (15%), The Smurfs 2 (13%), R.I.P.D. (13%) and After Earth (11%)
  40. R.I.P.D and After Earth were not the worst movies of the summer.
  41. Grown Ups 2 was officially the worst movie of the summer at 7% on the Tomatometer.
  42. Grown Ups 2 made $131 million.
  43. Grown Ups 2 was on Danielle’s Team.
  44. D-Money‘s final score was $621.8 million.
  45. Danielle was hurt by Tyler Perry Presents Peeples and The English Teacher. The two movies accounted for only .15% of her total score.
  46. By not updating throughout late July and all of August, you guys missed out on 6 weeks of this:The-wolverine
  47. What was I saying…
  48. The Wolverine was actually pretty good (69% Fresh) and turned out to be Danielle’s second biggest movie at $128 million.
  49. Danielle’s two biggest movies were Fast and Furious 6 ($238 million), which was this summer’s fifth biggest movie and accounted for 38% of her total score, and The Wolverine which accounted for 21%.
  50. Liz’s Team basically finished with $574.8 million.
  51. “Basically” means Kick-Ass 2 only has 1 week left, The To-Do List has 3 weeks left, but has only made $3.5 million and is not very good (53%), and Ain’t Them Bodies Saints has only made $289k through 5 weeks.
  52. The “non-Iron Man 3” portion of Liz’s Team’s score totaled $180.5 million.
  53. Iron Man 3 made up of 69% of Liz’s total score.
  54. The Great Gatsby made up 24% of Liz’s total score.
  55. Anna’s Team basically finished with $605.9 million.
  56. “Basically”, in this instance, means The World’s End still has 1 week left but has only made $25.3 million and only made $740k this past weekend (so sad).
  57. Man of Steel ($291 million) was the third-biggest movie of the summer and accounted for 47% of Anna’s total score.
  58. This guy is handsome: supermantakesflight2
  59. Lovelace Larry finished with $354.8 million.
  60. He didn’t have a good season.
  61. It was really, really bad.
  62. Lovelace Larry‘s best movie was World War Z ($201 million), which was the 7th biggest movie of the summer. It accounted for 54% of his total score.
  63. Sean’s third-highest scoring movie was After Earth.
  64. SEAN’S THIRD-HIGHEST SCORING MOVIE WAS AFTER EARTH.
  65. After Earth was the 29th biggest movie of the summer.
  66. Again, Sean’s third-highest scoring movie was After Earth.
  67. Sean had five movies combine for a total of less than $5 million (Aftershock went for $58k, Much Ado About Nothing brought in $4.3 million, 300: Rise of an Empire got pushed back, Lovelace made $358k, and Penguins 3D had no box office reportings, although I’m sure it had to make some money at the Mugar Omni Theater).
  68. Andy’s Team finished with $856.9 million.
  69. Andy’s Team more than doubled Lovelace Larry’s score.
  70. If Andy just used the combined scores of just Despicable Me 2 and Monsters University ($594 million) he would’ve still beaten Sean.
  71. And Liz.
  72. And almost Rhys.
  73. Andy’s lowest scoring movie was Blue Jasmine at $28.4 million (and counting).
  74. Anna’s lowest scoring movie was Girl Most Likely, with $1.3 million.
  75. Sean, Liz and Danielle’s lowest scoring movies totaled in the thousands.
  76. Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain was the fourth highest grossing stand-up comedy concert movie ever.
  77. Andy owned Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain.
  78. The Lone Ranger was terrible.
  79. The Lone Ranger somehow managed to make $89 million.
  80. Andy owned The Lone Ranger.
  81. Frankenstein Dinkledorf currently has $598.1 million with two movies still remaining.
  82. Considering The Mortal Instruments still has 1 week left but only made $1.1 million  (averaging $716 per theater!) and The Way, Way Back made $290k last weekend, Frankenstein Dinkledorf finished with $598.1 million
  83. Frankenstein Dinkledorf’s highest performing movie was Star Trek thereshouldbeacolonhere Into Darkness, at $228 million.
  84. Star Trek accounted for 36% of his total score.
  85. Star Trek Into Darkness was the sixth biggest movie of the summer.
  86. Frankenstein Dinkledorf took Star Trek with the second overall pick (see #21).
  87. T-Boz has $701.5 million with 1 week remaining on You’re Next.
  88. Tanya missed out on a lot of high quality mediocre commentary and funny jokes bad puns, because many of her movies came out in August.
  89. T-Boz’s highest grossing movie was The Heat at $158 million.
  90. The Heat only accounted for 21% of T-Boz’s total score.
  91. Tanya had 4 movies gross over $100 million.
  92. The Conjuring was the #1 scary movie horror movie of the year and the fifth highest grossing horror/supernatural movie ever.
  93. Yeah, The Conjuring is on Tanya’s team.
  94. Tanya’s number one pick was Elysium.
  95. Elysium was not even in the Top 20 highest grossing movies of the summer (#21).
  96. Elysium was “just okay.”
  97. I feel compelled to make a joke about Elysium here, especially since I didn’t preview it.
  98. I’ve got nothing:    
                   Speaking of Good Will Hunting, this is amazing!
  99. Tanya had 4 movies in the Top 20 highest grossing movies of the summer.
  100. Rhys, Danielle and Andy had 3.
  101. Sean, Liz and Anna had 2.
  102. If you just did the math, that fucking butler movie was the 19th biggest movie of the summer, and none of us had it.
  103. Andy came in first with $856 million.
  104. Tanya came in second with $701 million.
  105. Danielle came in third with $621 million.
  106. Anna came in fourth with $605 million.
  107. Rhys came in fifth with $598 million.
  108. Liz came in sixth with $574 million.
  109. Sean came in last with $354 million.
  110. It’s odd that Andy and Tanya beat the rest of us decidedly and then skipped town.
  111. I think Andy and Tanya are in cahoots.
  112. Andy and Tanya now live in Boston.
  113. Andy and Tanya living in Boston makes me sad.
  114. Of the Top 10 movies of the summer, Andy had two of the top 4 (Despicable Me 2 at #2 and Monsters U at #4).
  115. Liz had 2 movies in the Top 10 (Iron Man 3 at #1 and The Great Gatsby at #9).
  116. Tanya also had 2 movies in the Top 10 (The Heat at #8 and The Conjuring at #10).
  117. Everyone else only had one movie in the Top 10 (Anna: #2 Man of Steel, Danielle: #5 Fast and Furious 6, Rhys: #6 Star Trek Into Darkness, Sean: #7 World War Z).
  118. Everyone’s alternates did not fare well at all this summer.
  119. Tanya’s alternate: Erased either didn’t actually come out or literally made zero dollars.
  120. Rhys’s alternate: Byzantium made $84k and only topped out in 15 theaters.
  121. Andy’s alternate: Metallica Through The Never got its release date pushed back to September 27th.
  122. Anna’s alternate: Stuck in Love made $81k.
  123. Liz’s alternate: Generation Um.. had no results.
  124. We all know about Sean’s alternate: Lovelace made $358k, which is good compared to the 5 other movies above it, but really bad because he actually had to use it as one of his seven movies
  125. Danielle actually made a good pick: Before Midnight made $8.8 million and is still in theaters.
  126. If you replace The English Teacher with Before Midnight on D-Money, she still comes in third and is behind T-Boz by about $70 million.
  127. This summer’s total gross ($4.7 billion… billion with a “B”!) is up 10% over last year’s total ($4.3 billion).
  128. This year’s largest blockbuster, Iron Man 3 ($409 million), accounted for 8.6% of the total gross, whereas last year’s largest movie, The Avengers ($623 million) accounted for 14.5%.
  129. There were 217 movies released this summer, averaging $21.8 million per movie.
  130. The average drop in gross between the opening weekend and the second weekend was 49.4%.
  131. There was an average of $38.8 million spent per day going to the movies this summer. This doesn’t include the tubs of popcorn purchased.
  132. In 1983, the largest grossing movie of the summer was Return of the Jedi, making $252 million (it came out Memorial Day of 1983 and ran until March of 1984!).
  133. That summer there were 57 movies, totaling $1.3 billion and the country spent an average of $12.7 million per day going to the movies.

Congratulations Andy! You beat the crap out of all of us. The Sumofale trophy can go on your shelf right next to the fancy new law degree you’ll be getting.

Well I’m signing off until next summer, or some other time when I decide to use this space to blog. SUMOFALE!!

4 thoughts on “The 133 Things I Learned on My Summer Vacation

    1. Oh weird it changed my name back to ASCRIACMFC instead of my preferred handle. anyway i win, congratulations to me, best worst season so far

  1. Aww I’m so sad that our summer movie league is over, I miss it already 😦 THANK YOU SO MUCH RHYS for doing this again!! It is my favorite summer activity besides…drinking…eating….outdoor eating and drinking.

    Also, #38 is lies!

    -Danielle

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